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“The most detailed examinations of self-defeating behavior I have ever read…. Very useful." — Albert Ellis, PH.D., President, Institute of Rational-emotive therapy, and author of A New Guide to Rational Living
"Some of my patients would not need therapy if they would read this book." — Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis, author of The Power of Optimism
The groundbreaking theory expounded in Self-Defeating Behaviors asserts that, with each new moment, people have the ability to make a choice for either a self-defeating or self-enhancing behavior; this is the guide to freeing ourselves from the inappropriate and crippling behaviors that sabotage our success.
- Sales Rank: #224199 in Books
- Brand: Cudney, Milton R./ Hardy, Robert E.
- Published on: 2010-03-02
- Released on: 2010-03-02
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .58" w x 5.31" l, .43 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
Features
- Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back
From Library Journal
Cudney (counseling, Western Michigan Univ.) and Hardy, a practicing psychologist, offer a thorough investigation into the psyche by explaining those attitudes or actions that may have worked at one time, but ultimately cycle into adult behaviors that backfire. Self-defeatists, they claim, harbor mythical fears that stifle creative thought patterns, causing faulty conclusions which perpetuate the destructive cycle. The authors outline steps to work toward a breakthrough, although they caution that counseling may be necessary to stop the self-defeating cycle. This guide is recommended for self-help and therapy collections.
- Lisa Wise, Steele Memorial Lib., Elmira,
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"The most detailed examinations of self-defeating behavior I have ever read. Contains some very useful methods of defeating self-defeatism."--Albert Ellis, PH.D., President, Institute of Rational-emotive therapy, and author of "A New Guide To Rational Living""Some of my patients would not need therapy if they would read this book."--Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis, author of "The Power of Optimism""We can choose to use self-defeating or life-enhancing behaviors. The first time a self-defeating behavior eased a difficult time was probably an accident. After that, we chose it. Now, we can un-choose it...."[Self-Defeating Behaviors] "is logical and most helpful."--"The Phoenix"
From the Back Cover
A guide to freeing ourselves from the inappropriate and crippling behaviors that sabotage our success.
Most helpful customer reviews
156 of 161 people found the following review helpful.
Little practical use for information
By William
I got this book based on the other reviews which were mostly positive and I have to say that I was very disappointed. I know reading a negative review isn't as appealing as a positive one, but I think pause should be taken before ordering this book. Self Defeating Behaviors is a great title with little content. As the other reviewers have noted, it does nothing but describe the problem with little practical insight as to how to address it. The description of the problem is also very dry and lengthy. It could have been done in 10 pages, the authors do it in 200 pages so you have to hear the same thing over and over and over again. I found that of little value, especially in light of the fact that there was almost nothing in regards to correcting such behavior.
I'm guessing most people read self help books for the purpose of betterment. They want to improve their lives, not just read something 20 times over and over again about what the problem is. The authors simply believe that the problem is that the process of decision making becomes relegated to the subconscious mind over time and that the subconscious can make negative decisions instead of positive ones. There, that one sentence, gives you the whole gist of this book. They give no practical insight as to how to solve this problem, they merely describe it in dull, psychological text type writing. I was very disappointed. I am writing this review for the next person who might be tempted by the title, not realizing it has nothing to offer in terms of personal growth, merely description of a problem and a psychological description.
82 of 90 people found the following review helpful.
Sooooo Helpful!
By STALLEN
This book forces you to see how you think negatively about yourself and how that is deeply affecting our lives. You can call it anxiety, inferiority, insecurity, or low self-esteem, it's really one big thing in our mind saying "I am not good enough and people won't accept me unless I am better." But we misunderstand what "better" means. It's not getting an "A" in school or getting a promotion at work or being Mr. Right or being smart enough to make fun of others. It's your own attitude! And if you don't understand that it turns into a vicious negative cycle that you can't stop. But it has to stop and the only person that can stop it is you yourself! Thanks to this book, I figured this out and I finally feel like I am on a road to recovery rather than a road to hell on earth. Another book that really explains this so well is called the "Ever-transcending spirit" by Toru Sato. It is one of the best books on life and human nature that I have ever read. If you read it you will know what I mean. But this book by Cudney was what started this. It is sooooo helpful!
121 of 139 people found the following review helpful.
Reclaim your LIFE, your mental, emotional, spiritual power
By A Customer
What is your life like? Is it a relentless procession of empty days, an endless cycle of meaningless, frustrating work and unrelaxing sleep? Do you repeat the same pattern of joyless days and empty nights ad nauseam? Do you bounce out of bed eager to face another exciting day filled with opportunities for enjoyment, human contact and personal growth? Has the memory of the irrepressible you faded into dust? Has your life become an arduous and repetitive ordeal? Do you keep hurting yourself, and does this recognition keep haunting you, day and night? Are you acting on misguided choices, doing and saying things that virtually guarantee dissatisfaction and unhapppiness? If you answered "Yes" (or even "Maybe") to any of those questions, have I got good news for you!
The best book I have seen that specifically addresses how we can reclaim our mental, emotional and spiritual power from the traps we ourselves have built and continue to nourish is "Self-Defeating Behaviors" by Cudney and Hardy. On second reading, it is a truly phenomenal work. I have already purchased and distributed over two dozen copies. It provides a dynamic model of the way we construct, defend and nurture our self-defeating behaviors, while we simultaneously minimize the real pain heaped upon us and the people around us, and abdicate responsibility for the whole thing!
We are each of us presented with a continuous stream of new moments of life, in which we exercise choices. Each of these choices can lead either to a self-defeating behavior or to a behavior that affirms and honors life. At certain times, we "learn" (i.e. we make an invalid association) that we can avoid work/pain/criticism or other fear by choosing a certain escapist behaviors or thoughts. This choice, expressed through various internal and external techniques, results in various prices that we must pay. In order to continue avoiding our fears, we proceed to minimize the prices (by saying, for example, "It's not all that bad; I can stand the discomfort"), and finally, to disown the choice we made ("It's not MY fault; it was my parents/teachers/bullies/social conditions/the government/ghosts/the voices/...").
That cycle, from our choices of developing internal and external techniques to avoid some (mythical) fear(s), and then refusing to pay the price, results in a full-blown self-defeating cycle, which feeds on itself, getting worse and worse, engulfing more and more areas of our lives. Even when new techniques are learned (such as NLP!!) which appear to offer the promise of positive growth, they quickly and effortlessly become swallowed up in the seething vortex of self-defeating behaviors, making it even bigger than ever! This black hole effect can easily escalate from disappointment to depression, food/alcohol/drug abuse, violence, murder and ultimately, suicide. Unless we recognize and terminate this vicious cycle, ALL of our other efforts can lead to naught, mired in our old habits of thought and action.
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